We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize