Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
