She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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