you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
