My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
