forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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