Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
