wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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