It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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