Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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