I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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