Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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