why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
