We're like a lot better than the average bears
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
