Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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