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They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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