At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
