I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
