My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
