Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
jump out the window naked night went bad
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