You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
