There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Small penises have feelings too.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
