he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize