New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
