the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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