So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
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