the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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