4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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