they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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