Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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