I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
