chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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