He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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