WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
