i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
