I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Every concussion has its silver lining
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize