Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
