dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
