I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
