I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Randomize
