Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
