im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize