dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
