its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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