he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
