Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
where does the pee come out of this thing
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
