I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
