apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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