out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
