Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
