the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
At least make sure they are 18
Why
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
