its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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