he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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