Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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