O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
