why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
