ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
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