i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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