Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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