You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
