i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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