Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
How external is "for external use only"?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
