The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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