Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
