hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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