i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
