I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm like, not good at living.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
