You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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