Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
