Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Randomize
