He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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