Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
