he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
