They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Randomize
