She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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