That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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